The Anatomy of Anxiety
Every morning I wake up sore; ruminating on the muscle memory from the day before. Anxiety has a way of lingering, longing for attention, and begging to be triggered. This cycle of mental and physical pain is hard to break but with the right treatment, can be managed. Together let’s dissect the Anatomy of Anxiety. Not only is anxiety a mental battle, but a physical one. In this entry I will elaborate on the muscle memory anxiety forms in the body and brainstorming a treatment plan to aid our fear-filled symptoms.
Years of anxiety have conditioned my brain and body to acquire a series of unhealthy habits. These thoughts and actions have created a muscle memory of sorts. My ‘anxiety muscles’ are unconsciously always in use unless I deliberately intervene. It takes energy and practice to reverse these habits but do not worry, you are not doing this alone!
One thing I have learned about anxiety is that triggers may look different for everyone, but they are rooted in the same origin: Fear. Fear is fuel. This flammable substance burns through logic and leaves behind the ever-present soreness of stress. Reframing my thinking about anxiety as unlearning muscle memory, reminded me how physical anxiety can be. This metaphor for anxiety came about during my most recent therapy session and it really stuck in my mind.
Even though anxiety is a predominately mental battle, the physical effects that anxiety has on the human body deeply impact one’s quality of life. Some of these symptoms include headaches, dizziness, rapid breathing and heart rate, extreme fatigue, increase in blood pressure, abdominal pain, digestive difficulty, indigestion, and insomnia. Any combination of these ailments suffered over a long period of time can be miserable.
In my daily life, I experience a few of these myself. I have some degree of headache/head pain every single day. I also have uncomfortable neck and upper back pain. This tension is exacerbated by anxiety. I carry my stress in my neck and shoulders. The tension travels up the back of my neck, straining up to the base of my skull and rounding the bend of my forehead. The pain was so unbearable that I was on muscle relaxers and attended a few months of physical therapy at one point. All of that physical damage because of my silly little mind? Pretty fascinating if you ask me. To keep the pain at a manageable level, I stretch as often as I can, make sure to vary my posture and sitting positions throughout the day, and sleep on my side rather than on my stomach craning my neck. Of course stressing less would help too but these physical treatments are a big help. Making changes to soothe my physical muscles feels very doable; the mental muscle memory is the real challenge.
Unlearning anxiety is a process. The healing progression is not linear and changing your behavior can be frustrating and exhausting. Here is an example of an anxious muscle I have been trying to relax:
Medical topics/settings have always made me anxious. As a little kid (and still a bit now) I was terrified of doctors, hospitals, needles, you name it. I would work myself up into a panic at the mere thought, let alone actually having to face my fears head on. This trigger has disciplined my mind to think of the absolute worst outcomes. As if everytime I enter a doctor’s office, I will not make it out alive. Talk about catastrophic. My body also feels the effects of my anxious thoughts. My head starts to race as my heart beats faster, breathing accelerates, and I am in full on fight or flight. In this state I cannot sit still, I start to squirm and the surplus of stimulation causes me to spiral. My head is heavy and pounding as the room gets smaller and my thoughts run wilder. I have normalized this hazy anxious state, despite the fact that it is indeed, not normal. By facing each doctor’s appointment, immunization, etc. I gain a boost of confidence and strengthen new muscles/habits. The affirmation that I can overcome my mental and physical obstacles helps me to distinguish the gloomy anxious fog from the true reality that lies beneath. Practicing the repetition of silencing the soreness and chipping away at unhealthy anxious acts has been so rewarding. Seeing my progress increase and my worries dwindle into past problems helps motivate me to keep working at it.
Just recently, I saw my muscle memory come back quite suddenly. I was getting my flu shot on campus about a month ago and this was no big deal. I am a big girl who is not really scared of immunizations anymore (woohoo progress!) and I was going to “Say Boo to the Flu” for the third year in a row. I walked over to the tent and sat down at my friend Kendall’s booth. She is a third year nursing student and a dear friend of mine and she was going to be giving me the little poke. (How cute and fun!) I was feeling completely fine until right after I had gotten the shot. Sometimes I feel a little woozy after but that is just me fighting the muscle memory I have worked so hard to unlearn thus far. But, sometimes, the unconscious reactions come flooding back. All of a sudden, I was 10 years old again. I started to freak out a bit and my vision went blurry. I then proceeded to tell Kendall I was feeling a bit funny and I layed down and drank water. I started to get down on myself for feeling anxious and slightly embarrassed. I went into getting the flu shot feeling pretty solid and then out of nowhere the muscle memory kicked in. Like I mentioned earlier, coping with anxiety is not a linear process. Anxiety can be unpredictable, and boy was I shocked that day. After I felt a bit better, I went about my day but I could not help feeling discouraged. Upon reflection, it had been a while since a medical situation made me that anxious. Old muscles that used to be overused were suddenly active again. Eventually, I gave myself some grace and compassion for getting through the anxious event.
I hope that this personal anecdote helps you to identify your triggers and how they can pop up even when you think you have treated them. Our anxious muscles have a deep-rooted history and when stretched just right, can reactivate sore, old habits.
Now you might be asking:
How do we overpower these burning anxious muscles?
How does one unlearn a habit they have had their entire life?
I wish there was a universal answer for all types of anxiety but that is the beauty of fear. It festers in unique ways and looks different inside everyone. Anatomically, your anxiety may look different than mine. Our minds and bodies are our own beasts to tame and protect. That is okay! Just because we experience anxiety in different forms, does not mean we cannot help each other treat our symptoms.
This brings me to my treatment plan. I have found that each of these steps is crucial to not just decrease the presence of symptoms, but heal them altogether.
Symptom Assessment: Understanding your anxious muscles and what engages them is the first step! Being aware is so important. It can be so easy to let fear rule our minds/bodies and prevent us from trying to heal. That is not what we want at all. Take the time to observe your anxiety and confide in those you care about to share your findings. You may be surprised to hear that your friends and peers often have similar symptoms. This is a great opportunity to heal together and encourage each other to stick with it, even when deep rooted triggers come out of hiding. Anxiety is not easy nor something you should keep to yourself. Understand, advocate, and empathize with those who struggle too!!
Short Term Treatment: Here are some short term ways that I manage my symptoms and hopefully, they will help you too! When my anxious muscles start to activate, I ask myself these questions 1. Am I in immediate danger? and 2. What can I control? The first question really puts reality into perspective. There is a big difference between being nervous about a test and genuinely feeling unsafe for any reason. Often, we can get carried away and catastrophize our reality into a hypothetical hell. Once I take a moment to assess my symptoms and the actuality of their severity, I feel grounded and in control. The second question goes right along with the first. I want you to take a second and answer in your mind. If you know me, you know these three words:) You can control THESE THREE THINGS ONLY: your THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, and ACTIONS. That is it. Try to control anything else; newsflash! You are wasting your precious time! Reminding yourself of all of the things you cannot determine or get a handle on can arguably be more anxiety inducing. Instead you should feel free. Free from the exhaustion, worry and intensity it takes to try and control the uncontrollable. Surrender your fear and watch your anxious muscles relax. The soreness will fade and your mind will clear. Trust me!
Long Term Treatment: Reframe your mindset. This is not easy, hence the long term factor. As someone who feels like they have their PhD in being anxious, I can firmly say that mindset is everything. Actively working to unlearn your anxious muscle memory requires change in many areas. The most minor alterations to the way you speak, think, and act towards yourself and others can truly change your life. Notice how the three things listed are indeed the three things you can control! That is no coincidence. You are in complete control of your mindset. This should empower you! No one can control your mindset; it is yours to create, evolve and nurture. Give yourself the compassion and kindness you deserve rather than cater to a mindset full of comparison, expectations and insecurity. You are way too awesome to feel so damn bad. Two other great long term symptom management tools are psychology and psychiatry. I have been seeing a psychologist regularly since I was 12 years old. I absolutely love therapy and cannot recommend it enough. Anxious or not, it is so beneficial to vocalize your innermost self and take the time to listen to what they have to say alongside an unbiased supporter. I also see a psychiatrist! I have found medication to be a necessary part of my life in this current season. As a full time college student and 20 year old, I have no shortage of anxiety. Having extra help in addition to my other coping skills has been so great for my mental health!
Goal Setting: Set attainable goals for yourself! This will help you to stay motivated and find joy in accomplishing milestones along the way. Reward yourself for surrendering control, practicing your new mindset, and working hard to heal your anxious muscles.
Let’s unlearn our anxious muscle memory in 2024 together! I hope all of you know that I am right there with you. Everyday I work on treating my symptoms. Some days are hard, others are rewarding beyond belief. Those days make the mindset click, and affirm that your efforts are worth it. This year I really want to Help an Anxious Girl Out! But, I cannot do it alone:) I love you all very much! Xoxo, HAGO.
