Our Love Story by Bianca Balsamo
This week’s blog is a good one. Bianca is one of those low maintenance friends that I call every once in a while to catch up with, get advice from, and I always know that her independent girl-boss energy will sustain her spirit (with my constant cheerleading of course.) While Bianca is a force on her own, Cole has always been there too:) In this entry, Bianca outlines their high school sweetheart love for the ages and how their relationship has evolved into what it is today. I hope you enjoy:)
INTRO
Hello to all of Miss Olivia's loyal readers!! My name is Bianca and I've been friends with Liv for almost seven years now. We went to high school together, were dance team President and Vice President together, and were there for each other through all of the ups and downs that our teens had to offer. Liv has always been like a little sister to me, although she is one of the most mature and emotionally intuitive people I know. We share a love for all things pink, extreme type-A organization, overpriced coffee, and the Encinitas sunshine. But, enough about my love for Liv (although I could go on forever) - let’s talk about a boy.
HIM
Anyone who knows me knows that I've had a boyfriend for almost seven years… ish. And I know immediately people think “well if the relationship has been on and off then it’s definitely not meant to be.” And to that I say, “how many old married couples do you know that didn’t take a break at one point or another?” Although it can be controversial and not the case for everyone, I think sometimes breaks are necessary for two individuals to grow on their own in order to be happy together. This was definitely the case for Cole and I.
US
I was born in San Diego and lived there my whole life up until moving to Seattle for college in 2020. Cole grew up in a different state nearly every year of his life until seventh grade when he moved to Encinitas and started at my middle school. I don't know if every girl thought this or if it was just me, but he was the epitome of the hot new kid at school. The definition of a teenage heartthrob. He was pretty shy and we weren’t really friends at school, but on eighth grade promotion day, Cole and I both went to a graduation pool party at a mutual friend’s house. For hours we talked and laughed with friends in the jacuzzi. After the party, I eventually worked up the courage to text him “hey, is this cole peterson?” to which he responded “the one and only!”
We hung out with our friend group nearly every day that summer, until he finally asked me out on a date to the movies. I was completely head over heels. The butterflies were never ending with him (and still are). After some not-so-subtle coercion, he asked me to be his girlfriend and the rest is truly a fairytale history. Cole and I are best friends. He knows every quirk that I have, every secret I keep, and every thought in my mind. He makes me laugh harder than anyone and loves me until my heart feels like it could burst. He worships the ground that I walk on. When I look at Cole, I see and feel everything I've ever wanted. He makes my fire burn brighter than the sun.
HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS ARE NOT PERFECT.
High school is a hard place to be in a relationship, and I think that’s something many fail to realize. The constant pressure to look, act, and dress a certain way according to what your peers, parents, teachers, and coaches all think becomes double the challenge when you have a counterpart to think about aside from yourself. Like most young couples, Cole and I were in our own world and didn’t want to be with anyone but each other. It was a little wonderland, but we lost sight of our own friends, and spent nearly three years trying to be in the same group, different groups, and everything in between. As much as it was a struggle, Cole is and was my best friend. Despite any obstacles, we were there for each other, put our love first, and never stopped loving each other.
After three years, I found my closest girlfriends and Cole made friends that got along with mine. But making friends wasn’t our only challenge. When you’re in a high school relationship, there are voices telling you that “all high school sweethearts get divorced”, “you need to experience other people,” and “you’ll never last.” I was never naive about the fact that all of those things could be true. Obviously I love Cole more than anything and never wanted us to be apart, but the fear always existed in the back of my mind that maybe all of those voices were right. At times, this made me question him and our relationship which made him feel like I wasn’t really in it which led to jealousy and all other sorts of problems. Mix that with the insecurity and emotional rollercoaster that is puberty and it’s an obvious recipe for disaster.
Despite all of it, Cole and I stayed together all through high school. There were a few one-week breaks and several stupid fights. While our families always loved and supported our relationship, our friends got tired of the ups and downs. I can't speak for Cole's friends, but one thing I've learned is that most girls only want to hear about the negative sides of their friends' relationships. When you’ve been dating someone for so long, no one wants to hear you swoon over how romantic your date was or the sweet thing he said to you. They’re only willing to actively listen when there’s new tea to be spilled about how he messed up. I don't blame my friends for getting tired of the drama and I feel guilty for involving them in it. I should have kept my relationship and my friendships separate, but I don't regret any of the decisions I've made. Choosing to love fearlessly, unconditionally, and without shame will always win in the end.
COLLEGE…THE ULTIMATE TEST OF A RELATIONSHIP.
Cole and I always wanted to prioritize going to the schools that would give us each the most opportunity to be successful, even if that meant distance. When I committed to the University of Washington, I was scared shitless. Cole and I decided not to go long distance because we had been convinced that we needed to have “other experiences” before committing, but being away from home was so terrifying that I couldn't help but cling to him for comfort. We texted all the time, but we weren’t necessarily together.
It turned into a sort of zip code dating situation, which you’d be shocked at how many girls in my sorority were doing the exact same thing with their “homeboys” at the time. This is what we called them, the boys from home that weren’t our boyfriends but we weren’t broken up with. In my opinion, this “in-between” stage of a relationship is the worst. You never know what the other person is thinking or doing or how they feel about you. This caused ups and downs and lefts and rights and loop-de-loops in our relationship that I never could have seen coming. It was another recipe for disaster.
Finally, during the summer after my freshman year of college, the years of deep and unceasing love for each other, but also many doubts and insecurities, all came to a head on my nineteenth birthday. This was the breaking point. We didn't speak for nearly five months.
I was all over the place. Happier than ever one day and hitting rock bottom the next. Through it all, there wasn’t a second that went by that I didn't still love him. I knew we had made the right decision, and at times I genuinely thought we were done for good. I can’t speak for Cole as to what this time was like for him, but I do know that when I eventually saw him again, he was a changed man. He moved to go to school in Isla Vista, California, and became friends with some of the most wonderful people who I truly think changed him for the better. He worked on his health and well-being, but also learned how to be confident in himself and have fun without having to worry about me.
The story of how we got back together is a treacherous one. I started to write it here, but realized it’s too personal for me to want to share yet. If you're close to me, you know what I'm talking about. I will say that we spent several months convinced we couldn’t dive back into each other. We worried about the eye rolls we’d get from friends and the fear of how stupid we’d feel if we broke up again. It wasn’t until we had talked through the issues we’d had in the past and really understood what we needed from each other to want to try again.
Cole and I fell back in love about a year ago and I can honestly say that it feels like a completely different relationship. I don't think we truly ever fell out of love, but we both changed as people. We don’t fight, we don’t argue, and we both are secure in ourselves and our relationship. It’s never going to be perfect, but you have to fill your own cup before you can fill someone else’s. I don’t know everything, but here is what I’ve learned through all of this:
Thank you for reading, listening, and relating to both mine and my guest’s honest and authentic words every week. April is about to be a blur of chaotic fun so stay tuned for lots of content! See ya next week xoxo.
